Saturday was a big day for me. The last few weeks, between finals, graduation, packing, a birthday party for my daughter, and a visit to Orange County, have been a whirlwind of activity. It all culminated in the drive from Los Olivos to San José yesterday morning.
Most of my friends know this about me, but after a terrifying incident driving down the Cuesta Grade about seven and a half years ago, I haven't been able to drive on highways much. Seven months pregnant and with my three year old in the seat next to me, hauling a heavy floor-to-ceiling load in an old ten-passenger van, the brakes stopped responding adequately due to the steep downward momentum. I was hemmed in on all sides by other vehicles, and the cliff was immediately on my right. With the intensity of pumping the brakes, gripping the wheel, and thinking that we were about to experience a massive accident, I started to pass out -- I got very cold, dizzy, and my vision got patchy. We got within inches of the trailer in front of us before he sped up and gave me room, and were able to maintain that distance until we were down the mountain and the ground leveled out and I could slow down and pull off the road.
Even though that experience only lasted a couple minutes, it haunted me for years. A doctor told me that women are more strongly affected by incidents that happen to them during pregnancy, so maybe that's why I couldn't recover. That, paired with the reality that I am just a sensitive person, created something in me almost like PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I kept driving for a few months after that, but whenever the road would slope downhill, I'd get the same shortness of breath, dizziness, fuzzy vision, etc. It was the worst on the Cuesta Grade -- a fairly unavoidable road when one is driving between San José and Los Olivos. Whenever I'd come to the spot where the original incident occurred, I would relive it in my mind. The same would happen when driving down Highway 154 or 101 between Los Olivos and Santa Barbara. I decided that it was just unsafe for me to drive on highways under these conditions. It's one thing to have a panic attack in one's own home, or in a plane or other public place, but behind the wheel of a car, it felt like I was putting our lives at stake every time it happened. Each time I'd have a panic attack while driving, the road where it occurred was now mentally closed off to me. As this happened, my world became smaller and smaller. Eventually, I could no longer leave the Santa Ynez Valley (unless another adult was driving with me) because highway driving is unavoidable where I live. This was a dark time for me, and I'm certain that it put a lot of stress on my husband, whose help I needed to solicit if I had to go to Santa Barbara or Santa Maria for any reason, or even to get to the train station in San Luis Obispo to catch a train for San José. It also hindered my ability to visit friends around the state, and many of my closest friendships suffered and are maybe lost because of it.
Thankfully, over the last year, I have slowly emerged out of it. While this is partially due to my doctor finally putting me on a low-dose anti-anxiety med two years ago, applying what I learned from an audio lecture series called "Pass Through Panic" by Dr. Claire Weekes also helped me break through it. This April, I drove back and forth several times to Santa Barbara without panicking for the first time in years, and soon afterward, to Santa Maria and San Luis Obispo. The joy and elation of the freedom this represents is hard to put into words.
This is why yesterday was such a momentous occasion for me -- it was the first time I've driven a car to San Jose without my husband with me in about six years. And it went well! My daughter Claire was in the front passenger's seat and was an excellent companion.
To celebrate our arrival, my mom took us out to dinner at our family's favorite local restaurant, John's of Willow Glen -- formerly John's XLNT Foods. It's located at 1238 Lincoln Ave, between Willow and Minnesota. It's owned and operated by a Greek family, been there since 1976 (my family started going even earlier, when it was called Mike's and was run by John's brother), and they specialize in Greek, Italian, and American comfort food, and the portions are very large. For a long time, my dad would go there for breakfast two or three times a week. We go at least once a week when I'm in town, and occasionally for dinner. Last night, I had the lobster ravioli. Yum! Some other favorites are Greek Lemon soup, all of the Eggs Benedict variations (especially the Florentine), rack of lamb, and bread pudding. The staff knows my family, especially my father, so well that for breakfast, they don't even bother asking his order anymore. He tells the waiter, "Just bring me whatever you've got lying around in the back." Inevitably, his hamburger patty, eggs over-easy, and side of fruit appears soon. The home fries and hashbrowns are also great. Sometimes there are plenty of seats and sometimes, like in the picture I took this morning, there is a crowd waiting outside. It's worth the wait! OR they deliver!
I will only rarely write about restaurants on this blog, but as long as I'm at it, I will mention a fairly new place that opened on the corner of Lincoln and Minnesota. It's called Dolcetto Café and Market, and it's doing a good job resembling a modern but authentic Italian neighborhood café. Besides coffee drinks and pastries (this morning I had fluffy round pastry filled with Nutella!), they also serve breakfasts, pizza, sandwiches, wine, and beer. They have an extensive menu considering their small size, and they are open until 8 several nights a week. I will definitely be spending some time here this summer.
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